coping mechanisms


reduce stressWhen life takes you over instead of the other way around, it often means it’s a time to heal a personal area  which may have been ignored or brushed under the carpet. It’s perfectly natural to wonder why is this happening to me and why now?  Life has a way of creeping up on you but I am here to say, in my own experience of turmoil, I learned a few lessons and gained more wisdom than I ever thought possible. One of those pearls was the understanding that it was time to stand on my own two feet and charge forward , no hanging out on the sidelines anymore.

Turning your worry into wisdom starts with you and likely in a location that you least expect! In working with a recent client, whose husband decided to leave their marriage for her best friend, she was devastated and became depressed. In order for her to become healthy and strong again was a process in healing. This is so important to hunker down and do some inner work. As they say, your happiness is an inside job but needless to say, losing love in your life is an act of grieving, forgiving and eventually accepting things as they are except with a new perspective. So, together we came up with 4 quick and easy actions to feel good about herself , her life and forming a new direction in life.

1. The Do it Yourself Home Detox – happiness starts at your front door. What I mean by that is, when I met with Alicia, all her old stuff of pictures, memorabilia of her and her husband was hanging around the house. Alicia really wanted to start the year in a whole new positive way. Together we gathered all the old and gave it to Goodwill. Cleaned up the house and did a complete redo of furniture placement, pictures and colors around her house. In addition, we brought out her treasures, quotes and items that provided positivity in her daily life. Your home is your Zen, so have fun making it peaceful and inviting.

2. Heal what Ails you – your body often tells you when something does not feel right, so pay attention. If you are lethargic, not sleeping or eating well it could be a sign of depression or emotional exhaustion. Either way, get a check-up and a B12 shot for a boost of energy. One ailment noticeable about Alicia was on again off again fever and headaches. Often this occurred when she was around particular friends who seemed to use her as a whipping post. her choice in friends required a BIG overhaul. She slowly stopped taking their texts and phone calls and began accepting invitations to new events where she met a wonderful new bunch of caring girlfriends.  Taking care of your body is an act of self-love. And choosing people with integrity and character goes a long way with building new friends and alliances. Alicia not only feels much better but her judgement in choosing what feels right for her has received a nice bump in self-esteem.

3. Get Zen-tered – form a new morning ritual that gets your giddy-up and going. Perhaps this is a favorite cup of tea, some yoga, a brisk walk with your dog or friend before you head to work? What gets you centered? Think about this or try something new with your routine.

4. Positive People Pick Me Up –  it really is positive people in which to surround yourself with in both good and bad times, your true friends love you no matter what! Be around those who provide love and comfort not criticism or debbie downers in your life.

Answer this one question to get you started: When I am  __________________ , I am happy!

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“America’s Happyologist” Jackie Ruka , is a lifestyle strategist who founded the Get Happy Zone ( personal development organization. She is author of the #1 bestseller action guide “Get Happy and Create a Kick Butt Life, a Creative Toolbox for Rapidly Activating the Life You Desire,” available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble or your favorite book store. Opt-in for Optimism to receive 10 Strategies for how to be Happy, Stress- Free and Successful!


Okay, I hear you about ” living on the edge” and requiring ways in which to banish those underlying fears ; dying alone and having no retirement, I  get it! We have all been there and back and there again. Welcome to the 21st Century of living life in a complex world! The number one reason why I wrote my book is because so many  of us driving the freeways, working hard and handling the ups, downs, divorce, sleep problems, stress at work, the list goes on and on.  I have heard it all,  and YOU are not alone! The book is your handy companion to rapidly banish your fears, overcome obstacles and gain the coping mechanisms to get happy , feel alive and feel good about who you are and why you are here to live a meaningful life!

You may have read in many books, articles , tweets, that fear is an illusion. And our thoughts  shape our reality. Well, this is both true and false. When you think into the future and it looks bleak to you, chances are you are living in fear. The more you think into the future in a negative way, the more fear you will feel, to the point where it becomes an illusion. This is unhealthy and not living up to your full potential.

Coping mechanism # 1:  Stop. Clear the ego of self-limiting beliefs and get clear on what you can do right NOW. Focus on two tasks in the now and I promise you will feel better and less stressed.

You may have warranted reasons behind your fear, and it is natural for all of us to feel fear in scary times with not knowing what our mortality will look like?

Coping mechanism # 2: Your health is your wealth. Take care of Y-O-U, first and foremost. Starting your day with a positive thought, knowing your miracle is right around the corner certainly can help, however, the best approach is to call in the big guns! Those who have been there done that are your trusted advisors or soon to be.

Coping mechanism # 3: Ask for help! The sign of a leader is someone who knows how to reach out and ask for help. There is nothing to be ashamed of when asking for help, we are all people here to help each other in some way or form. Someone out there loves you , cares about you and wants to see you happy and successful. In fact, you already are, you just need a reminder.

Fear can stem from a false belief of success or failure and whatever belief you may hold about this can define you to a point where you only  perceive  your shortcomings. Fear is like the little devil on your shoulder telling you, ” No, you can’t do that, who do you think you are?” Squash that little devil and look at your obstacles as a place to stretch and grow beyond your comfort level. Whatever your circumstances, do not allow it to create a poor decision instead,  make a decision that will have a positive lasting effect and not a short term solution that you may regret later. In other words, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Stay the course, keep your vision and whatever set back may appear represents you being on the right path with knowing and seeing your vision manifestWellness into reality. Mistakes and failures mean you are trying instead of doing nothing at all. Coping mechanism #4; Refuse to feel stressed and say a mantra such as I am successful in all that I do and I trust everything will work out for the best. Replacing a negative thought with a positive thought will get you much closer to banishing your fears.

Coping mechanism #5: How you change your life around is a feat in  being proactive and not reactive. Write down your fear(s) and place some scenarios or solutions around it, think out of the box. Change is inherent part of life and the sooner we accept change the sooner we will get moving . So get moving and I will see you on the other side of the bridge to happiness and success!

QUOTE: You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.  Eleanor Roosevelt

Stress reliever tool:  Have you tried ? This is a great tool to relax the mind and the body, at work, home or on the go. 

What do you do to handle fear and what are your best practices for coping mechanisms, let us know in the comments section?

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“America’s Happyologist” Jackie Ruka is a lifestyle expert who founded the Get Happy Zone ( personal development organization.  She is also the author of the action guide, “Get Happy and Create a Kick Butt Life, a Toolbox for Rapidly Activating the Life You Desire.” Contact Jackie and take her Fearless Quiz online at and receive a free report for Top 10 Ways to be Happy and Successful in a Complex World.


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How to change life around can be simple, as easy as 12 steps toward your self care.

According to a Gallup study, the well-being of Americans hasn’t improved in the past six years and even declined slightly in 2013.  Well – Being matters as it directly reflects the 10 domains of our  personal happiness such as; psychological well – being, social support, education/culture/arts, Spirituality, community, health, job, environment, time/balance and governance. 

When you are too busy, overworked or unable to address your well – being it can catch up with you. If you are stuck in a rut and not recognizing the coping mechanisms available to address stress in your life, realize that a simple change in mindset can make all the difference in the world! Change your thinking and change your life is the mantra of the day! Realize you are stronger than you think and changing your life around can be exciting and powerful!

Simple solutions toward living a stress free life is a matter of taking small steps at a time and remembering to never give up!

  1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it
  2. Say “ exactly” what you meancoping mechanisms
  3. Don’t be a people pleaser
  4. Trust your instincts
  5. Never speak bad about yourself
  6. Never give up on your dreams
  7. Don’t be afraid to say “NO”
  8. Don’t be afraid to say “YES”
  9. Be kind to yourself
  10. Let go of what you can’t control
  11.  Stay away from drama and negativity
  12. LOVE

Show the world how you want to be treated and the world will treat you well in return! – Jackie Ruka 

Quote: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” ~ Steve Jobs

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“America’s Happyologist” Jackie Ruka is a lifestyle strategist and  coach , who founded the Get Happy Zone ( personal development organization. She is also the author of the soon-to-be-released book, “Get Happy and Create a Kick Butt Life, a Toolbox for Rapidly Activating the Life You Desire.” Contact Jackie and take her Become Fearless Quiz online at

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